I was very happy finally living as a boy, and I felt right.
Zak, 12, Isle of Wight UK
I knew I was not a girl by the age of 5, but didn't know what I was. I realised that I was nothing like the girls my age. Their behaviour confused me. I hated the way they copied each other, and boys didn't do that. Most of my friends were boys; I didn't want to play with the girls and to be honest, they wouldn't allow me to play with them. I was bullied by many of them. I just didn't fit in. I didn't want to wear girls’ clothing. Boys’ clothing seemed cooler. I felt trapped when I wore girls’ clothing. Everything felt tight on me and ill-fitting. Boy’s clothes fit me better, and they looked so much better.
When I was 12, I realised that transgender was a thing.My aunt came out as transgender, and it was a lightbulb moment. I instantly thought that I could be. I did some research and thought about it for about a month, but I didn't need that time; I knew the minute I learned about transgender as soon as I knew. I was excited because I finally felt that I fitted somewhere.
When I figured this out, I felt happy that I understood who I was and that there was finally something I could identify with. I was relieved that I wasn't just a weirdo and that I had a reason for feeling the way that I did. I was also relieved that my family was accepting.
To be honest, I didn't think there was anything to accept. Once I knew I was transgender I knew I couldn't live as a girl. I had spent years trying to work myself out, finding somewhere I fit in. I thought that I was gay when I was about 10, but as I realised I was transgender, it made sense; I’m straight, I'm a straight guy in a girl’s body.
I wanted to tell everyone I was a boy, though I wish I didn't have to tell anyone I was transgender, because I wish I could have just been born into the correct body. I didn't worry about telling my mum and sister; I knew they would be accepting.
To me it was never a big deal. I hadn't changed, I just knew now that I was a boy. I felt exactly the same, just that now it made sense. My mum told my dad. I was concerned that he wouldn't be accepting and that he wouldn't love me. When I knew my dad was okay about it all it felt really good.
I was also worried about what my grandparents would think, but they have been very accepting too. I have a much better relationship with one of my grandads because of it, as he understands me more now, and can relate to me better. I wanted to instantly live like a boy.
I was disappointed when my mum said we should do counseling first. I wanted to live like a boy and change my name, I didn't want to talk about my feelings, I'd been trying to understand them for 8 years, finally, now I did understand them, I felt the last thing I needed was counseling. The counseling did nothing,I was very clear about who I was and what gender I was. I was very happy finally living as a boy and I felt right. I felt free and I felt like me for a change. I has always had long hair as a girl, it was the best feeling in the world when I had my hair cut. I knew I didn't look entirely like a boy, but more so than I had. I felt that is was definitely the start of the process, a journey and I was getting there.
By the time I was 5 or 6, I wanted to be a boy. I didn't think I was because I knew I had a girl’s body; I wanted to have a boy’s body with boys body parts.
