I refuse to let gender roles and privilege control me.
Chloe, 20, Cork IE
I think I was about 6 or 7 when I first understood that my gender mattered. I remember going shopping with my mom and my sister in our local toy store for barbies and trying to make it as obvious as possible that we weren't buying the dolls for ourselves. We would say loudly, ''I wonder if Chloe would like this one'' just because we were afraid we would meet a child in one of our classes or meet a family friend and have to explain that we played with a toy that was by default gendered a ''girls'' toy.
It wasn't until my teenage years that I fully felt uncomfortable with my gender, and it took me until I was 19 to really realize that something had to change for me to feel comfortable in myself.
After coming out, I had huge dysphoria and struggled to leave the house and speaking when I was out in public. There were moments where I would feel like I was doing the right thing and moments I thought I was going crazy. Gradually over time, I started to feel the benefits of being truthful to myself. Everything felt natural to me. The clothes fitted my body better, my hair getting longer suited me more. I have started growing more as a person.
My mother is my biggest support; she has been there through the good and the bad days. Some family members have struggled, but most are trying, which is all I ask. My friends were the least phased when I came out and quickly adjusted to the new name and pronouns.
The biggest challenge I have faced has probably been the public scrutiny, hateful comments, misgendering, cruel videos being made of myself and my sister. Living in a body that you feel doesn't fully belong to you yet is extremely painful, but dealing with people who think you are disgusting and sick is mentally draining. I experience daily abuse.
We have used gender for centuries to overpower each other and use our gender as an excuse to get out of doing things that we would prefer not to do. Your gender should not be affected in the workplace, in society, in bathrooms, in relationships. Your gender is your own personal identity. I hope someday I can have a family and be an unconditionally loving mother, just like mine has been to me. We are equal members of society and deserve the same respect as anyone else.
I am perfectly imperfect and proud.
